“Ask the DungJack”
Hey DungJack. I have never had a threesome and want one really bad. It’s every guy's dream, right? I love my girlfriend and hope to marry her. I can’t escape this feeling that I am missing out on an experience every guy should have at least once in their life. How do I make this happen?
Signed, 3Way.
Dear 3Way,
Let me start by saying you are 100% correct. Every guy should enjoy at least one threesome experience in their life. The good 3 way, not the devils 3 way. I have been fortunate enough to have experienced the good kind of 3 way twice in my life. Neither time did I set it up or attempt to ask for it. I am not sure it is one of those things you can directly ask for. Despite what other so-called experts will tell you. I have known several guys whose relationship ended shortly after suggesting they drink from the holy grail of sex. My first suggestion would be making sure to pay close attention to her best friend. Ask her some questions from time to time about what your girlfriend was like before you met her. Best girlfriends can sometimes be very close and may have had a desire to experiment with the gash as they bonded over douchebags one drunk and lonely night. Also, I would want to know what kinds of shows she has watched. If it does not include things like “Sex and the City” and “The L Word” you might be barking up the wrong tree. What kinds of trashy romance shit does she read? You didn’t mention in your letter how long you two have been together, but make sure you cover all the basic avenues of sex first. Stockpile the sex toys and use them on a regular basis. Watch porn together because this will give you some real insight into what she likes. Role-play and talk to each other about what fetishes you may want to try. You see, my threesomes didn’t come until much later in the relationship, once we started to exhaust those things I just mentioned. So, sit back and relax. In the meantime open a savings account and start putting away $20 of every paycheck you get. Because if all else fails, you can make a trip to the great state of Nevada.
Dear DungJack.
My boyfriend and have only been together for about a year. I already feel like our sex life is waning. What do I do to keep him interested? To me, he is very good in bed and I can see this going somewhere. What can you share?
Dear Going Somewhere,
I am going to let you in on a little secret. Unless your bf is in the top 2% of mandom I can assure you that most of what you are doing is fine. And by top 2% I mean six-pack, hung like a horse, and can rail you for 60 minutes nonstop. Outside of this, the other 98% of us are just damn glad we got a woman willing to fuck us once in a while. I am going to go out on a limb and say that your man has not shared with you a whole lot of what he wants. Understandable. He does not want to upset the apple cart. I have one suggestion for you to keep this horse coming back to your stable. Be dominant. Take control. From time to time to time be the aggressor. You want to knock his socks off then, without saying anything, lead him to the bedroom, throw him down on the bed, rip his pants off and begin sucking as if you have only two minutes to make him cum, or else you're both dead. If he tries to talk, tell him to shut up. Once he is hard, climb on that thing and twerk your ass off girl. Don’t stop until he fills you up. Even if he tries to change positions, don’t let him. You take this one. Tell him you just needed to use his dick for a few minutes. Once he fills you up, dismount, tell him thank you, and go about your business like that shit never happened. You're welcome.